#14.

i think it was last night i felt the fear creeping back
from my toenails it sneaked its way up
starting from a gentle spark
gradually growing
feeding on the ambiguity there is in between
unstable internet connections
and cities

so i ended up calling you by name like everyone else
frequently repeating
again and again
despite having too long associating this name
with another pronoun
that i would prefer

given
then
taken back

stolen

a hollowness residing the place what used to be

and it keeps crumbling down
a fortress made of lego losing its pillars
then bricks
piece by piece
snuck out by the night guard
sworn to protect the fortress walls

returning it back to square one

i don't know
what to hold on to when
you
are the uncertainty that i'm so certain of

its like
being afraid of losing
when there is already nothing else

to be lost